Mister Hat

Paolo had a great birthday and got a cowboy outfit - yes, really. I gave him a hat and a belt to match, and his mom got him the plaid flannel shirt and he had the boots, a wedding gift from my brother, so that goes back a few years.

To understand this hat, you have to picture Rod's Western Palace. It's off the freeway in Columbus, and you know it from the full-sized fiberglass horse standing on the front porch. A wooden Indian says 'How' to customers, and cowboys croon over the P.A.. You've got cowgirl chaps and riding britches, saddles, lariats, whips, spurs, horse-shoe earrings and lone-star necklaces. You've got pink boots and brown boots, turquoise boots and white boots, for all the cowfolks in your life.

Well, this cowboy hat was so authentic, Paolo had to take it back to Rod's to get it blocked. They steam it and put in the crease on the crown, and a curl in the brim. The man behind the counter was so po-faced in his grey felt hat, deep-yoked shirt and fingers hooked around his shiny belt buckle, I thought he'd ask Paolo to show him a picture of his hoss - or at least his 200 acre spread - to prove he was a re-ul cowboy before he'd shape the hat to Paolo's skull. (Ok, so Paolo's English accent didn't make him sound like a minor character from Brokeback Mountain, but our counter-cowboy had ingested so much of Rod's soundtrack and southern atmosphere, he'd got a good picture of himself as Mr Stallion. All non-hat knowledgeable people who stumble into Rod's from mainstream america were geldings....)

And I felt thoroughly ashamed to have only 5 acres and no chickens until I saw a Mexican fella skulking around the hat counter. He caught my eye and gave me a sly grin, as if to say these gringo cowboys don't know sh*t. That made me feel better, because I knew that guy had more cowboy in his little finger than Mr Hat had under his button fly. Later I saw the same guy pick out a pair of black matte boots with a square silver toe which were solid working plus a little bit of show, an easy double for salsa on Saturday nights.

We climbed into our SUV and drove home to the range. Paolo will look fabulous riding the tractor this summer in his black cowboy hat, button-down banker's shirt and sarong.